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[26 Jul 2005|06:07am] [ mood | thirsty ] I hardly ever use this journal, I'm not really sure why I just don't. But I guess random updates are better than none at all. I've got my teacher meeting today so as usual I can't sleep. I can't sleep anyways, too many thoughts are bouncing around in my mind. I just lay there not moving, blinking into the dark. I've gotten used to it, it's simple, I can't sleep alone. I don't know why but I can't lay there motionless by myself, I need warmth and someone else's breathing to ease me into a sleep. I don't sleep soundly but I sleep. My 18th birthday is soon. August 2nd to be exact(8 days). I'm not really excited about it anymore, I guess I lost my birthday joy a long time ago. Now I'm just getting older and the rules are changing, not much to be excited about. I'm getting a tattoo, it's not final yet but I'm pretty sure I want one. I've wanted one for awhile now but I'm not sure if I can take the pain, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a wimp. For my birthday my mom is taking me clothes shopping, at Target of course. I'm not ashamed to say that we're pretty poor, so my mom had to knock her pride around a little bit to ask someone for money so she could do something for me on my birthday. I love my mom for that and it makes me sad knowing I'm not around alot anymore. She must be lonely. My mom decided that the money wasn't enough to buy me anything nice (which doesn't bother me because I don't need her to buy me nice things), so she told me Target has cute shirts and bags so it was a win-win situation. I agreed and she seems pretty happy about the idea. I just feel so bad for all the effort she's putting into this, when I don't need any gifts, I've got a job now and I have no problem buying my own clothes. Poor mom, I love her to death but some times she does more than she has to. 3 comments|post comment

[19 Apr 2005|08:12pm] [ mood | geeky ] I want the dark sky to go away and the sun to glitter on my shoulders. My bike tires are going flat and I've been dreaming of riding horses bareback in a field of sunflowers for the past 2 nights. My mom took me to a horse ranch in Crum after school today and I've decided that I now wish I myself was a horse. I'm inlove with Blue from the ranch, deeply in love with his mane color. I feel sick and theres a four way car crash going on in my stomach, pounds of sugar in tea and mashed potatoes are the only thing keeping me from my new DreamCast Robbie bought me to fill my lonely days with Crazy Taxi and Sonic. It's very sad that even he knows I dont have any friends so I need something to keep me busy, and why not play video games to fill that friendless void. School is  going well and it's fun to know I can read all the books I want and graduate highschool at the same time. My mom is starting to yell at me for the weirdest things, she accused me of throwing away all of the plastic bowls...yes I envy those bowls so much I throw them away? I know more about child development than I should, I find it soothing to be with pregnant girls for most of my day. I have 7 more saturday schools to make up, I pretty much want to give my life over to New Directions now that it always smells like popcorn and baby formula.</p> 3 comments|post comment

[05 Apr 2005|01:41am] Just add me. post comment

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